It might not be in the holiday spirit, but we want to know anyway: What's the best present you received this year?
See this post.
spent xmas with the future inlaws (which sounds totally scifi) in the south burbs. this holiday already has been most relaxing, welcoming and familial: full of tasty eats made by several different sets of beloved hands; a new stocking with "floyd" glitterscript by "grandma"; cards and packages by post including little schoolboy cookies, a cheese-making kit, and a hand-spun, -dyed, and -knitted hat from my sister. we welcome a new learning guitar into the house for the shower crooner. watched "julia and julie" this afternoon and identified so much with its chaotic women and their quietly brilliant men.
[interlude: at the moment floyd is giving the toy some love in a fashion that feels utterly wrong to us to witness.]
ten. daaaaaays. without any work schedule. open air and wide open space. we're planning a couple of mini-adventures, getting out and about, packing cameras and setting out to discover fragile dilapidations or inspiring conglomeroddities out along the Somewheres Roadside. we'll see what turns up, which is the point. and I'm booking some playtable time, for sure-- got a start xmas eve eve-- started out with wrapping and kind of took off. glue now sits drying, ideas jelling amid cluttered and resifted cutouts. I foresee several cups of cocoa, cups of tea, glasses of wine in the days ahead. this is the friday night of the long holiday stretch. staring down the double barrel of 2010 and 43-- out of the aughts we go!
I have been remembering to articulate the need for TIME. just to be, time without feeling rushed or late for or behind on one thing or another. really I have missed timelessness. to have it, even in small sputtering doses and within a confined space before returning to whatever ordinary routine, defined of course in part by having a routine to return to-- this feels like such a gift just now.
and quiet deeply craved... tho my inner mouth yearns to say "craven", just all kinds of wrong meaning, obstinately meaning-full language. logic foiling the tastiness of the straight and curly sound of things. a frequent trouble in my poetry days-- I'd let myself go traipsing down some nonsense for the pure auditory seduction in words, of letters thrown together in loving hodge-podge, and then wind up amounting to what, exactly? ah, yeoldesaga of sarah's tumultuous relationship with writing-- fraught with long silences and adverbial clot, the struggles with and hellyeah against meaning.
o, hello, quiet to listen through all this hubbub, the engine-starting, throat-clearing first paragraphs of getting down into the underneath and moving it forward. by gum and golly. Ima be moving it forward. that's the deal. into the fear. right into the jaws of a host of discomforts. toward the other side, up over the wall.
It's been a weird year. I put together my photo "yearbook" in iPhoto yesterday and titled it: The Waiting Area; 2009 never happened. Because that's what this year has felt like. Limbo. I don't know if this feeling is specific to the year - will things suddenly start moving again when I peel open this year's wall calendar from my uncle? Probably not. But that's what we always hope for, right? That the new year will change something, and we can simply leave behind the things we don't want.
- President Barack Obama. Although I'm a bit non-plussed with the Copenhagen agreement, I am still SO GLAD he got elected. I trust him to make good decisions even if I may not agree 100% of the time, and it has been a long time since I trusted a president. I think I felt pretty good about Jimmy Carter when I was 6.
- Expanded unemployment benefits. If this money weren't available I would likely be homeless by now. That may sound a bit dramatic, but I have now joined the ranks of those just a couple of steps from financial disaster, and once you're on that ledge it's easy to slip off of it.
- Infinite Summer. I joined the ranks of David Foster Wallace fans who read or re-read Infinite Jest over the summer. I'm glad I finally read it, but it really needs a 2nd or 3rd reading...
- I went to San Francisco and finally met Patty, Laurel, Deborah, and karen. It felt like I've known them for years! I'm still kind of amazed by the connections I've made through Vox. It doesn't seem to happen anywhere else on the interwebs...
- My cousin bought a lake house. It's more of a "cabin" really... but it is a place I can stay on Lake Coeur d'Alene in the summertime for free.
- The birth of anemone. I don't really know where it will go at this point, but it has been an adventure planting the seed.
- I've made progress on my memoir and other writing projects. Not nearly as much progress as I wanted to make... but everything slows down in Limbo.
- I'm getting used to a healthier, simpler lifestyle. More cooking, less eating out, and simpler meals to boot. Less compulsive buying, or spending money on things like haircuts. It's really kind of nice.
- I was able to wean myself off antidepressants without major setbacks.
To my adorable friends: always sing without fear.
Happy Holidays and may you have a New Year that embraces you with all the good things you desire.
